Show Don't Tell

Show Me… Don’t Tell Me

Often times when we write we tell our audience our story, ideas, reflections, etc. Most people write in the way that they would have a conversation with someone. The aim of this workshop is to get you too “SHOW” your audience what you are trying to say, rather then telling them about it. Your goal is to create a word picture. Descriptive words are used to help the reader imagine a person, place, object, idea, or emotion. The description gives exact details of how something looks, feels, tastes, sounds, smells, or behaves. After reading your thoughts they can see the image in their minds. When you write a “showing” paragraph, the details should be given in some organized way. Some begin by showing the reader what you noticed first and walk them through the image. Authors will often use metaphors and similes to create IMAGES.

 Assignment: Choose a picture that represents a part of your narrative. You will be writing 2-3 paragraphs and inserting these into your narrative "showing" your picture by writing. As you are writing, ask yourself, "Can my audience visualize the picture?" Once you have completed this, you will then begin to write and rewrite your narrative doing the same thing to the rest of your writing.


 Due date: Your entire narrative with all paragraphs completed is due on, Wednesday, September 5.

Essence of Me

Creating a Digital Story - Essence of Me Project

One of the central concepts we will be exploring this year in social studies is the idea of identity.  Identity can be defined as the unique and distinct characteristics that define an individual or group.  To provide an entry into this concept, for the opening inquiry unit this year we will explore your personal identity in terms of the characteristics that form the core of your personality and self.

We are working towards creating a digital story starting by exploring who we are.  Through various  assignments, questions, interviews, and activities we will be able to compile the information needed to put our digital narratives together.  

Five elements for writing an essay

Introduction

The first area to keep in mind when In order to give you a better idea as to what an effective introduction looks like, compare the opening paragraphs of the essays below to answer the following question:

Which is the best of the three essay introductions and why? Use specific examples from the intro to support your position. 

The following points might help you think through your response:

•    How clearly do you think they set out the essay’s agenda, i.e. what it plans 
to do?

•    How articulate is the expression of ideas? Is it clear what the essay is going to be about?

•    Are there any problems with sentence structure and grammatical accuracy

•    What changes, if any, would you suggest to clarify meaning or make 
expression of ideas easier to take on board? 




  

•   Does the author use vivid imagery and/or descriptive language to create an effect on the reader? 




  

•  If a quote is used, is it effectively linked to the rest of the paragraph?    

Example 1:

One morning a young mother had her seven-month old son in his stroller under the peach tree near the family pool. She walked to the kitchen to get a knife so she could peel the peach for him. Ten seconds later, she found him facedown with the stroller at the bottom of the pool. She immediately pulled him out and administered CPR to her son. If she had been gone any longer, he might have been one of the statistics that plague our country every year. These child drownings could be greatly reduced if parents never left their children unattended around water, if pools were properly fenced, and if other safety devices were installed in or by the pool. 

Example 2:

“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” This thought by John Milton was recorded over four hundred years ago, but it is still timely for us today. He seems to be saying that we are the ones to control our lives. We can be miserable when things are going well, just as we can be happy when things are going wrong. With this thought in mind, we can control the way we face life through our attitude, our determination, and our ability.

Example 3:

“I am stupid. I am never going back to school.” These are the words spoken by a learning disabled child when he was in first grade. He cried as he slowly walked to his bedroom, shredding his schoolwork into small pieces. This was the first of many times when he and his parents would feel frustrated because there was nothing that they could do. Parents of children with learning disabilities have often felt unprepared to help their children with their handicaps and frustrated with attempts to seek the proper placement of them in the public-school system. The experience of school can be overwhelming for children who have trouble learning. The learning disabled student in the public educational system must deal with academic, social, and emotional problems. 

Body Paragraph

Working with topic sentences imbedded in a body paragraph, transitions, and supporting details. 

When writing the body paragraphs, each paragraph should take up one distinct idea you introduced in the introduction. However, the topic sentence does not have to be the first sentence, it can come later in the paragraph. Similar to your opening introduction you can begin with imaginative ways to draw the reader into the paragraph and make them want to read more. Once you have introduced the main idea of the paragraph, support this with details linked together with transitions.

First one together:

When you go to a restaurant, do you think about all the different operations that are taking place at the same time? Hosts or hostesses decide where patrons should be seated. Waiters and waitresses take orders, chefs prepare the food, bussers clean the tables, and managers make everything run smoothly. Being a food service manager is a job with many responsibilities. One of the responsibilities is to hire and 
train good employees. Food service managers must also schedule
these employees for various shifts. In addition, they must make sure 
that groceries are ordered for the kitchen and the quality of the food is good. Food service managers supervise the employees to make sure the restaurant is kept clean and that guests are not kept waiting too long. Also, food service managers must deal with a lot of paperwork to pay employees, bills, and taxes, and to keep track of expenses.

1.     Highlight the topic sentence of this body paragraph

2.     Highlight the transitions used in the paragraph

3.     Highlight the supporting details the author uses

Here is another example. Do this one on your own: 

People who enjoy playing games like lotteries, card games, and other games of chance can find employment in the casino industry. Most gaming-service employees work in casinos, and their work can vary from management to surveillance and investigation. One career opportunity is as a gaming supervisor. This is someone who oversees the games and the personnel in a specific area. Gaming supervisors make sure
that players and workers are following the rules and will explain them clearly if needed. Another career opportunity is as a gaming manager. Gaming managers prepare work schedules and are responsible for hiring and training new personnel. Finally, gaming dealers are also employed to operate games such as blackjack, roulette, and craps. To become qualified for one of these positions, you will need a degree in hospitality or special training to become licensed by your state’s casino control board or commission.

Word Choice

The next element to keep in mind when writing an essay is to work with your word choice. In an ongoing way replace boring adjectives with more imaginative ones. Continue to create vivid imagery for the reader through descriptive words and phrases. In addition, try to use language that is as specific as possible. You can also add adverbs to enhance already existing adjectives. Let's do one together:

Today I took my (big) _____ dog for a (long) ______ walk.  My dog seemed (happy) _____ to be outside.  We passed a (little) _____ kitten.  After we played with the kitten we (walked) _____ to the (adverb) ______ park.  While at the park my dog swam in the (adverb) _____ (cold) _____  water.  He was (sad) _____ when it was time to go home.  My dog and I then (ran) ______ (fast) ____ all the way to our house.  Finally, after a (short) ____ distance my dog flopped (adverb) ______ to the ground content to lie in the (cool) ______ shade. 

Sentence Structure

When thinking about your word choice, you should also be considering creating sentence variety in your writing. This can be achieved by varying the openings in your sentences as well as mixing complex sentences with shorter punchier sentences for effect. The following examples were borrowed from Writer's Choice:

Altering the way in which your own sentences begin is one way to introduce sentence variety and improve the flow of your writing. Some of the ways to vary your sentence openers are listed below.

•    Start with adjectives or adverbs:

                    Deep green, shiny, and clear, the emerald sparkled in the jeweler's case. (adjectives)

                     Loudly and insistently, my mother called me to dinner. (adverbs)

     

•    Start with a prepositional phrase or a phrase that communicates time:

          During rush hour, I avoid the freeway.

•    Start with a verb:

                   Shouting his dog's name, Ross headed for the park. (present participial phrase)

                     Cooked to perfection, my father's meal beckoned us to eat. (past participial phrase)

•    Start with an absolute phrase.

           All things considered, it was a good day.

You can also use more than one of these options, as in the following example:

         Quickly, without fanfare, Eliot handed out the gifts. (adverb + prepositional phrase)

In the following paragraph work with both word choice and sentence variety:

For these types of goals your goal is to learn and become more knowledgeable. These goals will be completed in a classroom environment, rather than out on the football field. These tools can provide you with better job opportunities, such as a brain surgeon rather than a desk clerk. You will use these skills in your every day life, from fixing a leaky pipe to preforming basic first aid. 

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