The first area to keep in mind when In order to give you a better idea as to what an effective introduction looks like, compare the opening paragraphs of the essays below to answer the following question:
Which is the best of the three essay introductions
and why? Use specific examples from the intro to support your position.
The following points might help you think through your response:
•
How clearly do you think they set out the essay’s
agenda, i.e. what it plans
to do?
•
How articulate is the expression of ideas? Is it
clear what the essay is going to be about?
•
Are there any problems with sentence structure and
grammatical accuracy
•
What changes, if any, would you suggest to clarify
meaning or make
expression of ideas easier to take on board?
• Does the author use vivid imagery and/or descriptive language to create an effect on the reader?
• If a quote is used, is it effectively linked to the rest of the paragraph?
Example 1:
One morning a young mother had her seven-month old son in his stroller
under the peach tree near the family pool. She walked to the kitchen to get a
knife so she could peel the peach for him. Ten seconds later, she found him
facedown with the stroller at the bottom of the pool. She immediately pulled
him out and administered CPR to her son. If she had been gone any longer, he
might have been one of the statistics that plague our country every year. These
child drownings could be greatly reduced if parents never left their children
unattended around water, if pools were properly fenced, and if other safety
devices were installed in or by the pool.
Example 2:
“The mind is its own place, and in itself can
make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” This thought by John Milton was
recorded over four hundred years ago, but it is still timely for us today. He
seems to be saying that we are the ones to control our lives. We can be
miserable when things are going well, just as we can be happy when things are
going wrong. With this thought in mind, we can control the way we face life
through our attitude, our determination, and our ability.
Example 3:
“I am stupid. I am never going back to
school.” These are the words spoken by a learning disabled child when he was in
first grade. He cried as he slowly walked to his bedroom, shredding his
schoolwork into small pieces. This was the first of many times when he and his
parents would feel frustrated because there was nothing that they could do.
Parents of children with learning disabilities have often felt unprepared to
help their children with their handicaps and frustrated with attempts to seek
the proper placement of them in the public-school system. The experience of
school can be overwhelming for children who have trouble learning. The learning
disabled student in the public educational system must deal with academic,
social, and emotional problems.
Body Paragraph
Body Paragraph
Working with topic
sentences imbedded in a body paragraph, transitions, and supporting details.
When writing the body paragraphs, each
paragraph should take up one distinct idea you introduced in the introduction.
However, the topic sentence does not have to be the first sentence, it can come
later in the paragraph. Similar to your opening introduction you can begin with
imaginative ways to draw the reader into the paragraph and make them want to
read more. Once you have introduced the main idea of the paragraph, support
this with details linked together with transitions.
First
one together:
When you
go to a restaurant, do you think about all the different operations that are
taking place at the same time? Hosts or hostesses decide where patrons should
be seated. Waiters and waitresses take orders, chefs prepare the food, bussers
clean the tables, and managers make everything run smoothly. Being a food
service manager is a job with many responsibilities. One of the
responsibilities is to hire and
train good employees. Food service managers
must also schedule
these employees for various shifts. In addition, they must
make sure
that groceries are ordered for the kitchen and the quality of the
food is good. Food service managers supervise the employees to make sure the
restaurant is kept clean and that guests are not kept waiting too long. Also,
food service managers must deal with a lot of paperwork to pay employees,
bills, and taxes, and to keep track of expenses.
1.
Highlight
the topic sentence of this body paragraph
2.
Highlight
the transitions used in the paragraph
3.
Highlight
the supporting details the author uses
Here is another example. Do this one on your own:
People
who enjoy playing games like lotteries, card games, and other games of chance
can find employment in the casino industry. Most gaming-service employees work
in casinos, and their work can vary from management to surveillance and
investigation. One career
opportunity is as a gaming supervisor. This is someone who oversees the games
and the personnel in a specific area. Gaming supervisors make sure
that players
and workers are following the rules and will explain them clearly if needed. Another career opportunity is as a
gaming manager. Gaming managers prepare work schedules and are responsible for
hiring and training new personnel. Finally,
gaming dealers are also employed to operate games such as blackjack,
roulette, and craps. To become qualified for one of these positions, you will
need a degree in hospitality or special training to become licensed by your
state’s casino control board or commission.
The next element to keep in mind when writing an essay is to work with your word choice. In an ongoing way replace boring adjectives with more imaginative ones. Continue to create vivid imagery for the reader through descriptive words and phrases. In addition, try to use language that is as specific as possible. You can also add adverbs to enhance already existing adjectives. Let's do one together:
Today I took my (big) _____ dog for a (long) ______ walk. My
dog seemed (happy) _____ to be outside. We passed a (little) _____ kitten. After we played with
the kitten we (walked) _____ to the (adverb) ______ park. While at
the park my dog swam in the (adverb) _____ (cold) _____ water. He was (sad) _____ when it was time to go home. My dog and
I then (ran) ______ (fast) ____ all the way to our house. Finally, after a (short) ____ distance my dog flopped (adverb) ______ to the ground content to lie in the (cool) ______ shade.
When thinking about your word choice, you should also be considering creating sentence variety in your writing. This can be achieved by varying the openings in your sentences as well as mixing complex sentences with shorter punchier sentences for effect. The following examples were borrowed from Writer's Choice:
Altering the
way in which your own sentences begin is one way to introduce sentence variety
and improve the flow of your writing. Some of the ways to vary your sentence
openers are listed below.
• Start with adjectives or adverbs:
Deep
green, shiny, and clear,
the emerald sparkled in the jeweler's case. (adjectives)
Loudly
and insistently, my
mother called me to dinner. (adverbs)
• Start with a prepositional phrase or a phrase that communicates time:
During
rush hour, I avoid the
freeway.
• Start with a verb:
Shouting
his dog's name, Ross
headed for the park. (present participial phrase)
Cooked
to perfection, my
father's meal beckoned us to eat. (past participial phrase)
• Start with an absolute phrase.
All
things considered, it
was a good day.
You can also
use more than one of these options, as in the following example:
Quickly,
without fanfare, Eliot
handed out the gifts. (adverb + prepositional phrase)
In the following paragraph work with both word choice and sentence variety:
For these types of goals your goal is
to learn and become more knowledgeable. These goals will be completed in a
classroom environment, rather than out on the football field. These tools can provide you with better job opportunities, such as a brain surgeon rather
than a desk clerk. You
will use these skills in your every day life, from fixing a leaky pipe to
preforming basic first aid.
